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03 June 2006 @ 09:18 pm
FMA fic: 'Memento' (Roy x Ed, post-movie AU, PG)  

Title: Memento
Author: pandarot
Beta: followthecor
Rating: PG
Pairing: Roy x Ed
Word Count: 1568
Warnings: Angst! Might contain movie spoilers, but I twisted some things a bit so it's more of an AU, really.
Notes: Well, I have this AU playing in my mind for a while where Ed is allowed to say goodbye to everyone before he returned to Munich, and I totally blame this bunny to strawberrykaoru and that drawing I drew for her. XD;; And I totally disregard the fact that Al has Ed's coat in the movie. Yep. XD;;
Music: I'd say Someday We'll Know by Mandy Moore and Jonathan Foreman. I think the mood and the lyrics of the song fit the story, partly because I was listening to that song and watching AWTR repeatedly, but you all know that already while I was writing this. ^_^

"Today I begin to understand what love must be if it exists; when we are parted, we each feel the lack of the other half of ourselves. We are incomplete like a book in two volumes of which the first has been lost. That is what I imagine love to be: incompleteness in absence." - Goncourt


“So you came.”

Edward tilted his head a bit at the familiar voice - just enough to see the man he’d been waiting for a few meters away from him. It felt really weird to see Roy Mustang in casual clothing when he was so used to seeing the man in his boring military uniform wherever he went. “That’s right, Mustang,” he said in a half-mocking tone. “You know, for someone who asked me to come here early, you came really late. What took you so long, anyway?”

“I’m sorry,” Roy said, looking down at the big box wrapped in cheap brown wrapper in his hands. “I was on my way here when I forgot something, so I decided to go back home and take it with me.”

Really,” he said back, not sounding impressed in the least. When Roy finally stood next to him, Edward turned around to face him. In spite of the darkness, he could still make out an unsettling smile creeping on Roy’s face as the man looked at him from head to toe - it was getting unnerving. “What now?”

“You've changed,” Roy noted from nowhere.

Edward raised a single brow at him. “Should I take that as a compliment?”

“Of course,” Roy agreed, that smile never leaving his face. “Especially now that you’ve grown taller.”

If Edward was still a child, he would have made a big fuss over it, but he was no longer that scruffy fifteen year-old anymore. Making a fuss would just be sheer exaggeration. “Yeah, right.” He waved his hands dismissively. “And that big patch on your face doesn’t fit you at all!”

Roy only chuckled, unaffected, and Edward couldn’t help but return the smile despite of himself.

“It‘s been a long time,” Edward said, crossing his arms over his chest. “You know, Colonel -”

“I’m not the Colonel anymore so just call me Roy.”

“- Okay,” Edward said, a little surprised. Now, that would be tough! “And you should stop calling me Fullmetal as well, because I’m not part of the military anymore.”

“...as you wish, Fu-...I mean, Edward.”

Edward looked up at the man and laughed. “Heh...don’t you find it all weird?”

This time, it was Roy’s turn to sound surprised. “What do you mean?”

“For you to call me Edward, and me calling you Roy?” Edward’s grin grew. “I guess I’m just used to calling you ‘Colonel’ more than anything else.”

“And bastard.”

Edward did a double take. “...What?”

Roy faced around, smirking. “Bastard,” he said, as if the word was too foreign to his ears. “You used to call me that as well.”

“Oh, that. Right.” Quickly, he turned to face the sea once more to hide his blush from the older man‘s view. “Actually, I was going to ask you if life treated you well like the others in the past few years. I mean, after everything that's happened and all, but -“ he looked down, “- but looking at you now, I don’t think I need to ask that question to you at all.”

There was a long pause, and then: “You know, I...“ Roy tightened his hands around the box. “We all missed you.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Edward said, forcing a grin as he watched the city lights dance before his eyes. “Things will always go back to the way they were and everyone will go on with their lives even without us. I bet it’s easy for you to find a new lover, what with your charisma and everything, so I hardly think you remembered my name after all that.”

Roy only stared at him first before shoving the box, the thing he’d been holding on the whole time, in Edward’s hands. “Open it.”

At first, Edward was hesitant and he looked up at the man to check for any uncertainties, but curiosity won over him in the end. Slowly, and carefully, he unwrapped the box and opened the lid, pausing as he saw the thing inside. The thing happened to be a red coat, slightly tattered from its old age but the fresh smell told Edward that it was just taken straight from the laundry by someone - to be given back to its rightful owner.

“T-This is...”

“Yes.” Roy nodded, smiling. “It’s your coat.”

“But how...why...”

“I kept it,” Roy explained. “I kept it because I always knew you were alive and hoped that one day, if you returned to this world again, I would personally return it to you.”

Edward could only stare, mouth hanging and looking utterly flabbergasted. So all this time, Roy had been waiting for his return? Somewhere inside him felt glad that his lover - can he still call him that? - still remembered him after all these years when Edward thought the man had already found a replacement for him back then when he was still in Munich. It was a sad thing they weren’t given much time to talk or even catch up on things again. In the end, they both had other important things to take care of - had different lives to work out.

Edward looked down again and forced his mouth to speak. “Look, Roy, I...” And what was he supposed to say, anyway? That he would take Al with him to the other world this time? That they had to close the gate for real now so chances of them returning to Amestris again was already zero?

That they should put this futile relationship - if they still had any - to an end now before any of them could get even more hurt than they already were? Should they bid each other a formal goodbye?

To Edward, all those words would only make matters worse, but somehow, Roy Mustang always knew and understood what Edward had in mind even before he said it out loud. The man just smiled, relaxed his shoulder a bit, and said the worst.

“I know you and Alphonse are leaving tomorrow,” Roy said calmly, so calmly it surprised Edward a lot. “Hawkeye told me everything. I had a feeling you wanted to inform me about it but never found the right time to say it, so I decided to call you to meet me in the same place we’ve met before our last meeting.” Edward admired the fact that despite the present situation, Roy could still keep a straight face and laugh at the irony of it all. “Who would have thought we’d end everything in this place as well?”

Edward plastered on a rueful smile. “You really do know me that much, don’t you?”

The man smiled as an answer, and while it usually aggravated Edward to know someone aside from his brother knew him by a long shot, he couldn’t help but feel glad about it. How he wished he also knew Roy the same way, but watching the man before him, it felt as if he was dealing with a total stranger from the start - he just allowed himself to believe that he knew the man in the past because it made him an equal, but in all truth, it was just Mustang who made an effort to understand him in the first place.

Perhaps Alphonse was right: Edward was merely taking Roy for granted from the start. For someone who was known for his ability to charm any woman, Roy Mustang could love faithfully and unconditionally. It was only right to free the man so he could give his love to someone who deserved it. However...

“But since this will be the last time I’ll see you,” Roy said after some time, looking down at the startled teen. “Can you at least give me something to remind me of you?”

“Roy -” Edward’s words were cut when suddenly, Roy leaned down to kiss him not on the lips but on the forehead. Roy’s mouth felt cool and soft against his heated flesh. Even if their shared nights of pleasure were probably the most prominent memory he would have of Roy, Edward would miss the man’s overall presence and his minty scent more. He noted absently, that the scent lingered in the air even after he moved away.

Yes, he would miss this moment most of all.


He meant it as a warning to stop the man from doing anything further, but nonetheless, Roy took Edward’s hand and held it tightly in his own. “I lo-...” He paused, opened his mouth to say what he intended to say in the first place, but thought better of it. “...I won’t forget you.”

Edward told himself he wouldn’t cry; told himself he was ready to say goodbye; told himself that he’d managed to survive those years without Roy by his side. Things wouldn’t be much different if he finally ended their relationship now, but somehow...just somehow, his eyes felt hot all of a sudden and he couldn’t help but look down and block his tears from the older man‘s view.

He wanted to say the same thing; wanted to say he never wanted to leave in the first place; wanted to say he still felt the same way towards Mustang after all these years, but then, his pride wouldn’t let him. Hence, all he could say were those two useless words.

“I’m sorry,” Edward couldn't stop his voice from cracking. “I’m really sorry.”

Love can truly be cruel sometimes.

"The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost." -Gilbert K. Chesterton

Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
Current Music: Sora no Shita Daichi no Ue - Paku Romi
Kim: carmendove -- Winchesterssaturnsdaughter on June 3rd, 2006 04:02 pm (UTC)
-sniffles- Oh wow, so glad I didn't actually start crying... Sickness and tears are such a messy combination XD;
But AWW! This killed me a little bit. If the movie had actually had a scene like this, I think I would've been angrier how dare they deny us?!. Great writing through ^.^;
『 Kornet, the Popcorn 』: evilpandarot on June 4th, 2006 11:43 am (UTC)
Haha. XD;;

You know, if the movie really produced a scene like this, I would be really happy because I like sad endings and I'm strange like that. XD;;

Thank you, Kim! =D
sanni: danceshikuretto on June 3rd, 2006 05:01 pm (UTC)
Too beautiful and too touching.
You made my angstyromance day.

Love you for writing something like this.
『 Kornet, the Popcorn 』: yes!pandarot on June 4th, 2006 11:44 am (UTC)
Thank you! Glad I made your angsty day. XD;;

*smiles* I think I'm interested in writing sad endings more these days I don't think it's healthy anymore. Must. Write. Fluff. And. Crack. *gets shot* XD;;
always a false promise.: Roy // Melancholytwirlingleaves on June 3rd, 2006 05:57 pm (UTC)
I'M NOT GOING TO CRY, DAMMIT. >_> sorry for the caps lock


What can I say? Um... I love it and I love it and I love it. ♥ x infinity

And that still isn't enough because this fic is too good and angsty and beautiful for words. Argh.
『 Kornet, the Popcorn 』: roy/edpandarot on June 4th, 2006 11:46 am (UTC)
*laughs* Don't worry, I don't mind you speaking in caps because I usually do that myself. XD;;

Thank you very much! Just the fact that you said you love it is enough to make me happy. ^__^ ♥
「かおる」★ [ k a o r u ]strawberrykaoru on June 3rd, 2006 07:07 pm (UTC)

Damn, you weren't kidding when you said it'll be angsty and stuffs. Truth be told I haven't done any fanfic reading in a LONG time, so this is the first one I've read in 2 months or so. XD;; I slowly see my Roy/Ed fangirlism rising once more. It's very descriptive, touching, and the end put me in their shoes (not literally, but).

It's also nice to see a fic that's not, usually, y'know, revolving around the bed and their vital organs. >.>; Haha. Angstyfluff makes my day. ^^

*strikes pose* I'm glad I inspired this, eh, I really enjoyed reading it. ;w; (Don't let the tears fool you. >>) ♥
『 Kornet, the Popcorn 』: plottingpandarot on June 4th, 2006 11:47 am (UTC)
Hehe, when I wrote this fic, it never crossed my mind that it would be a tear-jerker piece but I guess I was wrong. XD;;

*smug grin* Told you so! I'm sorry if I made the angst a bit overdone. ^^;; Haha, me either! Though lately I'm rereading all of Coyo's Roy/Ed fics because I get inspired by them every time. XD;; *drags the Roy/Ed fangirl in you with me*

Thank you very much! For one, I don't really picture Roy/Ed as an overly sweet/open couple (although it's possible) because I think they're pretty hideous people to say their feelings out loud. =3 Especially Ed. He's filled with too much pride to even confess he still loves Roy. XD;; And in movie!Roy/movie!Ed's case, angst is a good choice. XD;;

*laughs* That's because Roy and Ed are much hotter when they're in bed and naked. XD;; *gets shot* Don't worry because I can't write porn/smut to save my life. XD;; I'm really poor in that department - hell, I couldn't even write a simple kissing scene! - so expect more semi-gen/pre-slash fics from me. ^__^ I'm actually thinking of making a sequel for this, but let's see.

Glad I made your day! And, hehe, I still blame you for making me write this bunny. XD;;
Christine: RoyEdnorwegianbandit on June 4th, 2006 12:31 am (UTC)
I'll try not to cry. Lovely written.
『 Kornet, the Popcorn 』: yes!pandarot on June 4th, 2006 11:47 am (UTC)
Thank you! ^_^
Mookimo0ki on June 4th, 2006 01:25 am (UTC)
Me..?? I'm not crying..!! *hides tissues*
I really liked this...it's so sweet, but so sad...
Well done!
『 Kornet, the Popcorn 』: roy/edpandarot on June 4th, 2006 11:48 am (UTC)
There, there. *wipes tears* =3

Thank you! I'm glad you liked it. ^_^
whitetenchi on June 4th, 2006 02:07 am (UTC)
It's your fault that I just died a little inside.
*sniff* Oh man, that was sad T_T
『 Kornet, the Popcorn 』: deadpandarot on June 4th, 2006 11:48 am (UTC)
Oh! O__O

I'm sorry if the angst was a bit overdone. ^_^;;

Thanks for reading! ♥
chrstphrlchrstphrl on June 4th, 2006 07:00 am (UTC)
Such a tender and touching moment between them and beautifully written.
『 Kornet, the Popcorn 』: yes!pandarot on June 4th, 2006 11:49 am (UTC)
Thank you very much! I'm glad you liked it. =D
Laurarainjoyous on June 4th, 2006 07:44 am (UTC)

. . . not sure what I can add to that ;)
『 Kornet, the Popcorn 』pandarot on June 4th, 2006 11:49 am (UTC)
Aww. *hugs you*

Hehe, it's all right. ^^ Thanks for reading! =D
Amithreeonetwo on June 4th, 2006 10:58 am (UTC)
I think I just died from the sadness. No, of course I'm not crying. -sniffletissuetear-

Wow. Just...wow. Very nice.
『 Kornet, the Popcorn 』: omfgpandarot on June 4th, 2006 11:50 am (UTC)
OH! *revives you* *hands you tissue*

Thank you! I'm glad you liked it. =3
shake it shake it to the floor ★followthecor on June 4th, 2006 02:32 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you trust me enough to be your beta. I'm mightily honored. ;D Mwah!

And I'm happy to see that you made some changes to the piece I beta-ed. It really helps to double-check, afterall. =D
『 Kornet, the Popcorn 』pandarot on June 8th, 2006 06:58 am (UTC)
What are you talking about? Of course I trust you to become my beta! And really, it's me who should be honored because you took the time to look over my crap. =^_^=
lilang_luha: AlphonseElric by lilang_luhalilang_luha on June 4th, 2006 03:02 pm (UTC)
Honey, this piece was so emotional, it almost made me cry. The part when Roy kissed Ed on the forehead was so sweet and heart-wrenching. I really enjoyed this drabble. It's well-thought out and well-written. Plus, the quote you used in the beginning is really thought provoking and TRUE. (totally agrees with it *stamp of approval*).
I can't wait to read more of your stuff.

『 Kornet, the Popcorn 』pandarot on June 8th, 2006 07:03 am (UTC)
Oh, sorry for the long reply! ^^;; Anyways, I'm glad you liked this fic, and the fact that you find it emotional enough. ^_^ My initial thought was to make Roy kiss Ed on the lips but I figured that would only ruin the scene (especially when they haven't met each other for a long time now and we're talking about goodbyes here) so I just settled for a kiss on the forehead. =)

Again, thank you very much for the too kind review! And hehe, I always put quotes at the beginning and end of my fics that I find related to them, so...yep. It's more like a personal style, seriously. XD;;

Will try to write more in the future! =D
lilang_luhalilang_luha on June 8th, 2006 01:50 pm (UTC)
heya. no worries about replying back slower/longer. I do it all the time just bc i never have the time hehehe. And I only give generous reviews to those storeis that really impact me, though I must admit that my tastes can get rather peculiar ^^;

Where do you get your quotes btw? Do you just put them up as you happen to trounce upon them or do you go through a quotes mailing list?
『 Kornet, the Popcorn 』: evilpandarot on June 10th, 2006 01:53 pm (UTC)

*blush* Thank you. And hehe, my ideas can be a bit peculiar, too, y'know. XD;;

The quotes? Well, I rely a lot on wordofquotes.com because whenever I finish my fic, I usually look at the topics stored in there that are related to the theme of my fic. =^_^= I like putting them because that'd give readers of an advance idea of what my fic is all about. ^^;;

And totally OT, but I just looked in your userinfo and I'm happy that you're a pinay as well. =D *waves at her kababayan*
lilang_luhalilang_luha on June 11th, 2006 07:27 pm (UTC)
OMFG!!!!! *passes out*

kumusta!!! there is also another pinay around the fma ring that i just met! She's really new to the fandom too; her lj user name is chibiten! hindi ko alam maraming pinay na yaoi fans pala! Walang masyado na Pinoy dito (let alone fma yaoi fans), so i get way too excited when i find one haha.

Thank you for the site. *puts you on friends list* *adds on yahoo mssnger and aim* WAHAHAHA!
parchment&inkcarmelised on June 10th, 2006 02:11 pm (UTC)
heartwrenching ): i love/hate being reminded of how the movie ends. i think the last line sounds a little off? Love can truly be cruel sometimes., i think it's to do with the tense. you've been using past tense for the entire fic, and it's a pretty sudden swop to the present, but i guess it could be stylistic lol.

(Anonymous) on June 11th, 2006 04:36 am (UTC)
You...you made me cry. I'm serious. I know, girls are supposed to eb emotonal, but still! I cried exactly two tears, but from the time Roy gave edward the coat, my eyes were welling. The tears fell at the end of the story and then my girlfriend asked me what I was crying for. XD This was really sad. WHY dammit, do they have to leave forever? Ugh...